


You Stand In a City That You Don't Know Anymore

by SunflowerSpideyy



Series: Febuwhump 2021 [2]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Anxiety, Depressed Peter Parker, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt Peter Parker, Hurt/Comfort, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-02
Updated: 2021-02-02
Packaged: 2021-03-14 00:00:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29162307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SunflowerSpideyy/pseuds/SunflowerSpideyy
Summary: After the final battle against Thanos, Peter comes home to find the world has moved on without him, and he can't seem to catch up.Febuwhump Day 2: "I can't take this anymore" where everyone lives after Endgame
Relationships: Peter Parker & Tony Stark
Series: Febuwhump 2021 [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2139171
Comments: 31
Kudos: 170





	You Stand In a City That You Don't Know Anymore

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone! 
> 
> So this is essentially my first year of college, but make it Spider-Man™. All of this is based mostly on my experiences with my mental health/panic attacks so I'm sorry if it's not a 100% perfect depiction, this is just how it feels for me. 
> 
> Content Warning/ CW // For: Panic attacks, anxiety, not eating due to anxiety related nausea (I have no idea if that would be considered to be an eating disorder so I figured I'd mention it), unhealthy coping mechanisms, potentially suicidal tendencies (not overtly stated) blood, and mild language.
> 
> Always feel free to leave a comment if I missed anything you would like me to mention at the start!

It started as nothing- just a new habit that Peter picked up. He'd always loved swinging through the city- loved the weightlessness he felt as he somersaulted off a skyscraper, the city streets unfolding below.

It was only after the blip that he started waiting. Every time he patrolled he would dare himself to fall just a little bit farther before shooting a web that would launch him back up to the tops of the buildings. 

But he'd always catch himself before he got too close to the pavement- always giving in to the twinge of fear that ran up his spine.

******

Peter loved the fact that May was so involved with her charity. What had started as May’s way of keeping Peter’s memory alive- a small non-profit dedicated to assisting survivors in the city he worked so hard to protect- had grown into a nationwide organization in the five years he was gone. And he loved the fact that her and Happy were an item. She deserved to be loved again, and he knew Ben would feel the same way- so Peter tried to ignore the little twinge of sadness in his heart every time she got ready for date night.

It was his fault for leaving her- he was so close to getting the gauntlet off only to fail at the last second- so who was he to deny her of the happiness she had built in his absence?

And if Peter's chest got heavier every time he barely got to say two sentences to her before she rushed out of the apartment, or ate alone at the dinner table after receiving another text saying: 'working late, start dinner without me' or 'Happy swung by, I'll be home late- make sure you order some takeout'

Who was he to complain?

******

Tony was around at first- he barely let Peter out of his sight after the battle, keeping a firm arm around his shoulders as everyone was ushered through the portals to Wakanda. They were inseparable, to the point of falling asleep on each other as they waited to be released from the med bay, Peter practically smushed into Tony’s side as they laid on the hospital bed.

And in the beginning, Tony sort of filled the hole left by May. Nightly phone calls and bi-weekly dinner outings helped soothe the loneliness that settled heavy in his chest.

Like everything else, it started slowly.

Or rather, it ended slowly.

"Are you sure you don't want to place your order?" The waiter asked, and Peter's head snapped up.

"Oh- uh- I'm sure he's just stuck in traffic or something, I can wait," he replied, and the man walked away, a pitying look on his face.

Peter's gaze fell back down to his phone, staring at the blank screen. No text, no missed call, nothing. He sighed, resolve finally breaking as he dialed the lake house.

"Hello?" Pepper's voice came through the speaker.

"Uh- hey Ms. Pepper, is- is Tony there?" Peter asked, his hand settling on the back of his neck.

"Oh, Tony left an hour ago honey- Morgan made a new friend at school he volunteered to drive them out to the playground today. Did you need something?"

"No! Uh, I just wanted to talk that's all. It's nothing important, really. See you around Ms. Pepper," Peter hung up before the other woman could say anything, a heavy feeling settling in his chest. Keeping his head down, he stood up from the table and moved towards the door, feeling like the whole restaurant was staring at him. "Uh- I guess he's not coming after all- so um, how much do I owe you for the soda?" He could barely make eye contact with the waiter, who was standing beside the cash register.

"It's on the house," the man said gently, and Peter squirmed at the sadness in his face.

"O-okay, thank you," he stammered, pushing the door open and hurrying to the nearest subway station.

******

Turns out he didn't have to worry about suffering through another evening getting pouted at like a kicked puppy, because Tony never invited him out again. And he clearly didn't even remember making the promise to meet Peter, because he never even apologized.

It must’ve just slipped his mind.

Peter wouldn't let himself think otherwise.

******

"Hey man, are you ok?" Ned asked, putting a gentle hand on his best friend's shoulder as they walked over to their usual lunch table. 

"Yeah Ned, of course I'm ok, what are you talking about?" Peter asked, his face contorted in confusion.

"It's just that this is the fourth day in a row the only thing you've grabbed for lunch is a chocolate milk," Ned replied, as MJ raised a concerned eyebrow in their direction.

Peter opened his mouth, words dying in his throat. What was he supposed to say?

Yeah Ned, everyday I wake up so nauseous that all I can manage is some cereal and maybe a few Saltine crackers.

Nope, absolutely nothing to worry about- the biggest problem here is that I need to ask May for a new belt cause I've dropped 15 pounds in a week and a half. 

"It's nothing, ok? I'm just not hungry," Peter sighed, but Ned still didn't look convinced.

"But dude, don't you have like a wicked fast metabolism or something? How are you ok with just having milk- shouldn't you be like, starving?" 

I am.

"Seriously Ned, I eat a big dinner, I'll be alright," he said, and his smile didn't quite meet his eyes.

******

Peter isn't sure when the nightmares shifted from Tony dying to him dying.

Before, he was standing over the closest thing he had to a father, as the man lay propped up against a piece of stone.

"Mr. Stark- no- no Mr. Stark please," he begged, falling to his knees beside Tony.

Letting out a shallow exhale, Tony’s eyes flickered over to Peter, not even having the strength to move his head. "Kid," he murmured, as Peter frantically grabbed his hand.

"Yeah- yeah, it's me- I'm here, I'm right here," Peter said, the words rushing out of him. Tony's eyes suddenly looked past him, and the teenager's heart skipped a beat. "Hey, hey, I need you to look at me, ok? Just stay awake, please stay awake Mr. Stark," Tony got that faraway look in his eyes again, his strong heartbeat turning into a weak flutter. "Help! We need help over here! Someone- anybody please!" Peter screamed- and suddenly it felt like he was back under the rubble, the concrete threatening to mercilessly crush his body, the warehouse eerily quiet, cementing how alone he truly was. He leaned forward, leaning his head against Tony's chest, taking heaving breaths. "Mr. Stark- Mr. Stark please don't- please don't leave me," he sobbed, tears falling down his cheeks. 

In the end, he didn't even have to look up to see that Tony had died- he heard his heart stop.

Now, the scene morphed so it was him on the ground, a white hot pain running up his right arm. Tears were streaming down his face as his fingers dug into the dirt beneath him, face screwed up in agony. He barely even registered the screams echoing in his ears as his, the world in front of him coming in and out of focus.

But he could see people. And none of them even looked at him.

"Please- please- somebody," he sobbed, the silhouettes in the distance staying still. "Help me- help me- Tony!”

The silence stretched on, and Peter gave one last cry before his heart stopped.

Nobody seemed to notice.

******

"Spider-Man! Spider-Man!"

"What was it like fighting Thanos?"

"Is Tony Stark retiring permanently?"

"What happened to Captain America?"

"What is it like to be one of the last living Avengers?"

"Are you going to be taking over as Iron Man?"

Peter very nearly resisted the urge to put his hands over his ears, the cacophony of voices sending a throbbing pain through his skull. The crowd was closing in, his chest constricting as he tried to worm his way through the crowd, bouncing off of people’s shoulders as they clamored to get his attention. 

After what felt like hours, he finally reached the exit, the doors slamming open as he nearly collapsed against them. Peter took a heaving breath as the fresh air hit his face, sparing a moment to be thankful that his mask hid the tears that were steadily welling in his eyes. 

Barely taking a moment to look ahead of him, Peter shot two webs at the buildings on the opposite side of the street, launching himself into the air. His breaths turned into frantic gasps as the buildings blurred around him, shooting more and more webs to pick up speed. Peter finally stopped as the first sob ripped out of his throat, coming to a skidding halt and falling to his knees on the cold concrete of the department store rooftop. His shaking fingers gripped the bottom of the mask and ripped it off, one hand desperately clutching at his chest as if he could tear away the weight that had settled there. Bracing himself against his knees, Peter’s shoulders shook as the tears streamed down his face, his body somehow feeling heavy and hollow at the same time.

******

He's not sure when he started to get Karen to calculate the fall.

Peter’s starting height would flash at the corner of his display, the number screaming downwards as he picked up speed. Karen's voice would only come in as he got closer and closer to the ground- and he convinced himself he was only imagining the slight tinge of fear in her voice as the number got lower.

He didn’t spend much time thinking about it, simply chalking it up to being an adrenaline junkie- Tony was too busy with his family to check the baby monitor protocol anyway- so he just moved on.

"450 feet. 324 feet. 232 feet. 197 feet, 120 feet, 87 feet" Peter shot a web at that moment, letting out a triumphant cry as he rocketed back up towards the skyline.

"That's a new record, right Karen?" He asked, his heart pounding.

The little twinge of fear had gotten quieter.

"Yes Peter, that is a new record. Though I still do not condone this behavior," Karen replied, disapproval clear.

"Oh come on Karen, it's fine! I know when I need to stop, and even if I didn't, I'd have you to tell me right?"

"That is true, however it does not detract from how reckless your actions are," 

"Man, with Tony upstate now I've really missed the lectures- thanks for holding up the tradition," Peter deadpanned, coming to a stop on the ledge of an apartment building. 

"I am simply designed to look out for your wellbeing," 

"I'm fine Karen,"

"If you say so,"  
******

Principal Morita had a beaming smile on his face as he gave Peter a firm pat on the shoulder.

"You know Mr. Parker, we had a bit of a rough start back when you were a freshman, but I just wanted to commend you on your performance this year. So many of our- returned students, floundered, but you Peter, if you continue at this level, I'd say you're well on your way to being top of your class,"

Peter returned the smile, his gaze falling to the floor at the praise.

"T-thank you Mr. Morita, I uh, I really appreciate it,"

The man gave his shoulder another pat before letting go, turning his body towards his office door.

"I don't want to keep you from class any longer- keep up the great work Mr. Parker,"

Peter walked away, his head held high as he made his way back to Spanish class.

He was almost top of his class. Queen's crime rate has gone down by 38 % since the blip.

He was fine.

******

The apartment was empty as Peter crawled in through the window, beaten and exhausted, the familiar weight of an oncoming panic attack settling on his chest. He ripped his mask off and threw it across the room, reaching out blindly towards the desk to grasp his phone. Fingers shaking, he pressed Tony's contact without thinking, his vision blurring around the edges.

"Hello," Loud chatter and music filtered in besides Tony's voice, very nearly drowning it out, but Peter was too focused on the fact that he'd picked up. It was the first time he'd heard Tony's voice in weeks, the realization somehow making his chest feel even emptier.

"Tony," he croaked, his hand doing a poor job muffling the sobs coming out of his mouth. "Tony, I- I uh just wanted to call and say I- uh, I miss you and I think I-"

Laughter erupted in the other end, the group sounding somewhere in the background, but it pierced his ears just the same, his body recoiling at the noise. 

Did Tony have him on speaker? Oh god, did all those people just hear him cry?

"Kid? Peter- what's going on? Do you need something? Cause I kinda have company over and it's getting a little rowdy over here bud," Tony replied, sounding a little harried, but Peter was barely listening.

"Nope. It's n-nothing Mr. Stark, don't worry about it," he did his best to steady his voice, suddenly thankful this was one of the few panic attacks where he could talk at all.

"Alright kiddo, g'night,"

Peter let the dial tone sound before he leaned against the side of the bed and wailed.

******

"Wow, really giving these people the big city welcome huh?" Peter dropped down from the wall of the alley, causing the hooded man to spin around in surprise. "C'mon man, they're in the 'I heart NY shirts'- you're giving the tourists a bad impression,"

Said group of middle aged adults chose that moment to go running in the other direction, and Peter breathed a sigh of relief as they moved out of sight.

The man's face screwed up in anger and he lunged forward, bringing the knife back, ready to strike.

He just barely managed to smother a startled cry as a searing pain radiated from his abdomen, just barely managing to steady himself before the knife was pulled back out again. Peter jumped back, shooting one web into the man's eyes and another at the weapon, pulling it towards himself and reaching up to catch it by the hilt. With his free hand he threw a web grenade, effectively trapping the guy against the wall. Gently wiping the side of the knife clean with his suit, he gave it a once over to make sure it was clean of his DNA before he webbed it to the wall too, placing it far out of the man's reach.

And Peter would swear it wasn't a conscious choice, that he was truly caught off guard by the attack. 

He would never admit to anyone that he had jumped back when the knife was coming towards him- he just chose not to jump back far enough.

******

Peter looked up at the ceiling, eyes bleary and a dull pain in his temples. 

He couldn't sleep.

Even when he had a rough patrol, even when he hadn't eaten all day, he laid in bed, his mind refusing to let him rest.

Yanking the pillow over his face, Peter let the material muffle his angry cry, refusing to acknowledge the frustrated tears in his eyes.

Sighing, he threw the covers off and walked over to his desk, collapsing onto the seat.

As long as he was up, might as well use the time to get in some extra review for his chemistry test.

******

Eventually, Peter starts ignoring his Spider-sense more often. The effects start off small- a dark blue bruise from a kick he could have easily ducked, or a shallow cut from a knife that he'd seen as soon as he dropped down from the roof. But once he starts ignoring it, it gets hard to stop.

Even when he knows he shouldn't.

The moment he saw the Chitauri tech strapped to the man's back his pulse jumped, a pair of neon green eyes coming to the forefront of his memory.

It was going well at first, he'd almost webbed up the first guy when his spider-sense screamed, every muscle in his body tensing. But he didn't move.

Stars erupted in front of his eyes as he was rocketed into the wall behind him, an explosion of pain in his side happening simultaneously. Collapsing to his knees, Peter sucked in heavy gasps, his eyes looking down towards his torso deliriously. The suit had been completely burned away on his left side, blood from the gaping wound soaking into the edges of what was left. He looked up to see the second man staring down at the weapon in shock, seemingly in a trance.

The world tilted sideways as he stood up, his first web missing the mark by about ten feet before he finally landed a web grenade on the man, the chitauri weapon clattering to the pavement as his body was bound to the nearby wall.

Sirens echoed through the streets, a jolt of pain flashing through Peter's skull at the noise. He quickly scribbled the number for damage control on a spare sticky note before shooting a web out towards the surrounding buildings.

******

Bruce's clipboard clattered to the table as Peter climbed in through the window and promptly collapsed to the floor, the dizziness finally overtaking him.

"Jesus Christ, what the- Peter?"

The teenager rolled over onto his back and looked up at Bruce with a smile that looked more like a grimace.

"Hey Doctor Banner," he wheezed, and Bruce was jumping into action, gently lifting Peter into his arms, wishing he had something more comfortable than a lab table to lay him on.

"Peter- my god, what the hell happened?" He grabbed the med kit from the top shelf of the closet, and wheeled a stool next to the bed.

"Old chitauri tech," Peter replied weakly, staring up at the ceiling as Bruce started on his stitches. "Didn't move fast enough,"

A familiar silence falls over the room as Peter feels the first prick in his skin- quiet serving as Bruce’s normal state when he's concentrating. When Tony works, it's loud- metal clanging, drills whirring, and rock music blaring. Bruce's lab was mostly silent, the echo of opera music down the hall only playing when the man was particularly stressed. Peter used to like sitting on the windowsill, watching Bruce frantically scribbling in one of his notebooks, the silence calming and grounding.

"Not that I don't like seeing you- though I do wish you'd stop by when you're not actively bleeding out- but why me? Doesn't Cho usually handle stuff like this?" Bruce said, leaning back in his chair and closing up the med kit. 

Because you're the only one who won't rat me out to Tony.

"Compound's too far," Peter replied, examining the hole in his suit. 

"But doesn't Tony usually-"

"Not really," Peter snapped, a little too quickly and with a little too much venom behind the words. "Not anymore,"

Bruce's face flashed in concern before the expression was gone, and he gave Peter a gentle pat on the back.

"Alright kiddo, you take care of yourself ok? I'm pretty much here all day long, so you know where to find me if you need something,"

Peter nodded, gingerly getting off the table before picking his mask back up and walking towards the window.

******

It only made sense that Peter's friend group would grow. He was almost expecting it really. Ned had pushed open the doors to the auditorium to see an entirely new set of faces sat at the decathlon tables, minus a very uncomfortable looking MJ in the corner.

There had been assemblies at the start of the school year where the school counselor had gestured towards a PowerPoint assuring them that "Midtown hears you, Midtown supports you" and "to look at this as a fresh start- a new beginning- one more step towards becoming the person you were meant to be". But the truth was, Peter was surrounded by faces he didn't know, memories he didn't share, and connections he couldn't seem to make- and that wasn't liberating, it was terrifying.

And the worst part was that everyone else seemed to fit in ok. It felt like there was some party at the end of the summer that he wasn't invited to, because everyone seemed to walk in and immediately find their place with an ease that completely mystified Peter.

For a while it was him, Ned and MJ against the world, never straying from their group, and while it still felt isolating, a part of Peter was relieved. It felt normal. He needed normal.

In the end, he doesn't blame Ned for being the one to finally shatter the illusion. Ned was easily the most talkative and outgoing of the three, so it was only a matter of time before someone new gravitated towards him. And he doesn't blame Betty either. Just like he doesn't blame Brad when he sees MJ give him a kiss on the cheek before hurrying to homeroom. 

He's happy for his friends, really. He's glad they both found someone who loves them- after all they've been through, they deserve it.

And he's fine with sitting awkwardly at the end of the lunch table, staring into open space. Fine with curling up into himself in the movie theatre as his best friends lean against their partners.

It’s perfectly alright when he starts getting invited out less and less, and then spending his lunch hour listening to them reminisce about the trip to the ice cream parlor that nobody had even mentioned to him.

They're moving on. That's a good thing.

So why couldn't he?

******

Peter's head tipped back to rest against the pillow propped up behind him, taking a pained inhale through his teeth.

Bruce sighed wearily as he gently placed a bandage over a particularly large cut. "Jesus Christ Peter, you look like you went through a shredder," 

He almost had. Manhattan's latest alien invasion had come with spears that could seemingly be created at will, and Peter had been on the wrong end of one too many of them before Sam sent him home.

"Guess I'll just have to be more careful next time," he said flatly, wincing as Bruce pressed the antiseptic wipe a little too hard against an open wound.

"You know what Peter, I didn't want to do this- I really didn't. You were gone for five years, I figured maybe you're a little rusty. But this- this isn't an accident is it? You're doing it on purpose,"

"Doctor Banner- I'm not-"

"I know what this kind of behavior looks like ok? And I remember how I felt when I was-" Bruce paused, letting his breath come out in a defeated sigh. "Look, I understand. Life- just everything right now is a fucking mess, and- I know Tony's been kind of distant lately, and I know what it’s like to feel that you're drowning and nobody notices. But this- Peter, you're gonna kill yourself. And I'm not letting that happen," Peter refused to meet his eyes, even when Bruce put a comforting hand on his knee. "So just take a few weeks off patrol alright? Get some rest. And I know you have a self-sacrificial streak as deep as Tony, so if you absolutely have to go on patrol please, please listen to that intuition of yours ok? Keep yourself safe. Cause if you're in here one more time with injuries like this, I'm telling Tony. And he's gonna get off his ass and come down here, or so help me god," 

Peter remained silent, but Bruce could see the tears pooling in his eyes.

"I'm gonna need you to look at me and promise you're gonna take care of yourself, ok kiddo?" He said softly, and Peter reluctantly looked over at him, a stray tear running down his cheek.

"I promise, Doctor Banner," 

******

The promise ended up lasting about a week. But this time, he didn’t break it on purpose.

The very same aliens that gave Peter wounds he still hadn't fully recovered from had returned, this time doubled in number. Every available hero was on the streets, and they were still being overrun.

"Spider-Man, I got a department store full of civilians that need evacuating down on 35th," Sam called through the coms, and Peter was immediately swinging into action, webbing up as many aliens as he could on the way. He landed a particularly hard kick on the alien that was patrolling outside the store, shooting two taser webs just to be safe.

"Ok, ok, everybody out- just follow me, it's gonna be ok," Peter waved all of the people out of the store, running ahead to lead them to the nearest subway station. "Alright c'mon people, almost there,"

Peter's spider-sense flared before an angry screech sounded, and he whipped around to see an alien speeding towards them. "Everybody keep going! Get underground, there'll be people there to help you!" He ordered before jumping up at the building next to him, using it as a launching pad to spring himself at the incoming alien. Peter body slammed the alien, sending it and the speeder it was flying on crashing to the ground. Shooting a web at the last second, he swung in an arc before dismounting with a graceful flip, saving himself from crashing on the pavement.

The familiar sound of repulsors sounded overhead, and Peter looked up to see Iron Man and War Machine shoot past him.

"Alright everybody, let's get this wrapped up quick, I promised Morgan we'd go out for cheeseburgers," Tony teased over the coms, and Peter's heart clenched at the familiar voice. He turned behind him, eyes widening as he saw a swarm of aliens heading straight at them, with some of the civilians still standing in the road, gawking up at Iron Man.

"What're you doing? Go- go, run! Get to the subway!" Peter screamed running forward and knocking one of the spears away with a high kick. Shooting taser webs at every alien he saw, Peter darted around the pavement, using his spider sense as a guide to dodge the spears. "Help, somebody help please, I can't- I cant-"

More aliens were ganging up on him than he could handle, and there was nowhere to move as his Spider-sense screamed, a burning pain following in his side. An agonized cry left his lips, and he could barely hear Tony's panicked voice over the blood rushing in his ears. Peter watched with wide eyes as two more spears were pointed at his abdomen, bile rising in his throat as he watched them pierce through his skin. Repulsors sounded just as stars flickered across his vision, collapsing like a deadweight into metal arms.

"Peter...stay...please," The words barely registered in his brain, Peter closing his eyes to escape the blurriness of his surroundings, the fast movement making his stomach roll.

"I didn'- didn' mean t-" Peter stuttered forcing the words out of his mouth. "Promise-"

Finally they stopped, and Peter felt himself being pulled against a warm body before everything went black.

******

Peter opened his eyes slowly, a sigh of relief leaving his lips as he realized the throbbing headache that had been plaguing him for weeks finally disappeared. Slowly, he turned his head to the side to see Helen Cho, her eyes focused on the holo-screen at his bedside- his heart sinking slightly when he realized she was the only one in the room.

"Ms. Helen?" Peter murmured, and her head snapped over towards him, a relieved smile coming across her face.

"Hi Peter, how are you feeling?" She asked, and Peter shrugged.

"I've been worse. How bad was it?"

Her smile faltered. "Pretty bad," she said softly. "The stab wounds you sustained re-opened some prior wounds that hadn't yet healed- you lost a lot of blood Peter, and I'm not going to sugar coat it- surgery was touch and go for a while,"

"Well, I mean- I feel alright now," 

"Peter- your body literally shut down. After surgery, I noticed your healing factor wasn't acting, and not twenty minutes later you fell into this coma like state. I think that was the only way that your body would have enough energy to keep you alive,"

"Maybe it was something in the alien weapon,"

"I know your healing factor, those prior wounds should've been taken care of days ago- I could see scars all over your body- you don't get scars, Peter. Not once in the three years I've been treating you," Helen's eyes narrowed, and Peter shifted uncomfortably. "Something's wrong- there's something you're not telling us-"

"I'd like to go home now," Peter cut in, throwing the blankets off of himself.

"Peter- I don't recommend that you-"

"Please Ms. Helen, I know I have the right to leave whenever I want, I've seen Tony-" Peter's voice cracked, and he looked down at the floor sadly. "Just unhook me please- I just want to go home,"

Helen nodded sadly, a look of pity coming across her face as she pulled out his IV.

"May left a change of clothes on the chair," Helen said, pausing in the doorframe. "And Peter- I know it's not my place to say, but please, take care of yourself. You can always come here if you need help,"

He stayed silent, simply getting to his feet and gathering the bundle of clothes, listening to Helen's heels get softer as she walked away.

******

Peter was barely aware of his feet touching the steps as he hurried down the stairs, the sight of the empty med-bay room haunting his mind.

He'd never woken up alone- not once. Helen hasn't even mentioned that May had stayed beyond dropping him off an extra set of clothes.

The only times Tony hadn't been there at his bedside was when he was too injured to get out of bed himself. Peter froze, realizing that in his rush to get out he'd never even asked how the man had fared after the fight. Shaking his head slightly, he kept going.

Tony had Morgan and Pepper, he wouldn't need Peter there.

He was so lost in his thoughts, he didn't even hear the other set of footsteps in the stairway- stopping short as someone stepped onto the landing below him.

"Peter?" Tony's face looked mildly horrified as he stared up at Peter, putting his sunglasses in his pocket. "What the hell are you doing out here?"

"I've seen you leave the med bay a thousand times Mr. Stark," Peter shot back, crossing his arms.

"And I get to do that because I'm the adult- you're going back upstairs, end of story,"

"I don't need to go back, I'm fine," Peter didn't know what it said about his life that he almost felt better now, after losing almost a pint of blood, than he had in months.

"You were in a coma!" Tony shouted, his voice echoing loudly. "Even Helen didn't know what was happening- we didn't even know when you were gonna wake up, and you're 'fine'?"

"I'm leaving Mr. Stark, you don't get to tell me what to do," Peter tried pushing past the man, but felt a strong hand grab him by the wrist.

"Excuse me?" Tony was fuming, eyes flickering between anger and disbelief.

Peter glared at him right back and yanked his hand out of Tony's grip, seriously considering what his odds of survival were if he decided to jump over the railing and down the stairwell just to avoid this conversation.

"Alright yeah, I guess I don't have any right to order you to stay, but I care about you kiddo, and you need to let Helen get a better look at you," Tony conceded, his voice turning pleading at the end.

Peter's jaw dropped incredulously, his heart pounding with fury. "Don't you even-"

"Don't what Peter? I can see the dark circles under your eyes from here, Helen told me she could count all of your ribs during surgery. Your body only had enough energy to heal you once you fell into a coma- Jesus Christ Peter, when I took you to the med bay there was so much blood- I thought I'd lost you,"

"Well, good to know being at death's door is what it finally takes to get you to care,"

Tony looked genuinely shocked, one of the few times Peter had seen him look absolutely confused, and it only added fuel to the fire. "Peter what are you-"

"You wanna know what the last six months have been like for me? I barely sleep! I can't! I just lay there for hours because my brain won't stop. And when I finally pass out of pure exhaustion, all I dream about is Titan, or the battle at the compound, and I watch you die," Peter's voice was bordering on hysterical, tears starting to fall down his cheeks. "My anxiety has been off the walls- my stomach is just in knots, all the time- I can barely even look at food without wanting to be sick!"

"Jesus, Peter- why didn't you talk to me?" Tony shouted back, his own breathing heavy.

"I did talk to you! I was having a panic attack and I called you, and you put me on speaker for your whole party to hear, and then you hung up on me," Tony's face fell, guilt shining in his eyes, but Peter didn't back down. "May's barely at the apartment anymore, and that was ok, because I had you- but then you went and fucking dropped me too. And I know Morgan is always going to be more important to you, but I thought you'd at least have the common courtesy to actually show up when we make dinner plans or, I don't know, maybe call once in a while? Jesus Christ, all I wanted was for somebody, just one of you, to actually care about me enough to notice I am fucking drowning,"

"Don't you dare say I don't care about you, I invented time travel for you, fuck, I risked everything to get the stones and bring you home-"

"Well maybe you should've left me dead!" Peter screamed, the echo of his words ringing through the silence. A sob left his lips, and he took the opportunity, turning and running down the stairs before Tony could get his bearings.

Vaguely, he could hear the man shouting down at him, but Peter never stopped, bursting through the door and running out into the street.

Faint cries of surprise came from behind him as Tony practically busted the door down in his haste to follow, but Peter was already around the corner and out of sight.

******

"How do you feel about a number 7?" Mr. Delmar asked from behind the counter, and Peter gave a thumbs up. "Whoever ordered this never came to pick it up- it's all yours kid," 

Maybe it was residual tiredness from the surgery- or maybe screaming at Tony had done the trick- but he was actually feeling hungry for this first time in weeks.

"Thanks Mr. Delmar," he said as he grabbed the little red sandwich basket, and carried it back to his table. The man hadn't asked any questions when Peter bought a bag of chips and parked himself at one of the tables until close, and for that he was extremely thankful.

"You look like you could do with a few more of those kiddo," There was clear concern layered in his words, and Peter gave him a reassuring smile around a bit of the sandwich.

"I'm working on it, don't worry,"

"You better- don't you have your A.P. tests in a couple of weeks? Gotta stay healthy," The man replied, and Peter felt a little bit of warmth in his chest- he mentioned that ages ago, he wasn't even sure May knew when his tests were.

Peter sat back and sighed happily as he took the last bite of his sandwich- he'd just been grabbing granola bars for so long he'd forgotten how good they were.

"Well kiddo, not that I don't love having you around, but I think it's time for me to close up shop here," Mr. Delmar said as Murph leaped off the counter and started rubbing against Peter's legs.

"Aww Murph, its ok buddy, I'll be back soon," he said, bending down to scratch behind the cat's ears before heading towards the door. "Thanks for letting me hang out here Mr. Delmar, I really appreciate it,"

The man waved him off, but there was a fond smile on his face.

"Be careful going home, ok kid?"

"Will do!" Peter called over his shoulder as he stepped out into the street.

******

Whatever he was expecting as he stepped out of the elevator it wasn't seeing Tony Stark sitting on the floor of the hallway, his back leaning against the doorframe. The man perked up at his footsteps, standing up as quick as he could with aching joints.

"Peter- kid, thank god- the apartment was empty and you weren't answering your phone, and after what you said..." Tony said, as Peter fished his keys out of his pocket, moving to unlock the door like he wasn't even there. "Hey- Peter, Jesus, would you look at me?" Once again there was a hand on his wrist, and the teenager stopped in the middle of the threshold and turned around.

"Why? What else is there to say? Besides- don't you have to pick up Morgan from soccer practice or something?" It was a low blow, but Peter still took a small amount of satisfaction in seeing Tony's face twist into something between hurt and anger. 

"Ok, ok I deserve that one- I admit it," Tony said, his sunglasses coming off yet again as a heavy sigh left his lips. "Look kiddo, I fucked up- I fucked up big time, and I'm not even going to try to make any excuses because this is too big for that. Peter, I am so, so, sorry- I know I hurt you, but please kiddo, let me try to make it up to you ok? Pepper can take Morgan out to see her side of the family for two weeks or so, and it'll just be you and me at the cabin. No interruptions, no distractions, I promise,"

And Peter felt like crying because this was all he'd wanted, but somehow, it felt too late now.

Peter shook his head, taking one step backwards into the apartment, and he could see the moment Tony realized that there was no fixing this.

"Look Mr. Stark, I think it'd be best if you only contacted me for missions alright? Spider-Man will always be there for the Avengers but I just- I'm done. I can't take this anymore,"

And maybe he slammed the door a little harder than strictly necessary, but after six months- it felt good.

******

"Peter- c'mon kiddo please, open the door ok? Please let me fix this," Tony yelled, his voice muffled by the door. Predictably, he had stayed outside long after Peter had shut himself in his room- Tony always did hate not getting the last word.

Finally, one of his neighbors finally opened their door and hollered some choice words down the hallway and Peter could hear footsteps slowly retreating, the hallway falling silent.

**Author's Note:**

> This one was kind of a double edged sword- I wanted to finally get that awful year of my life off my chest, but actually writing it got difficult cause I had to relive all that again, you know? But I hope it turned out somewhat decent to read! I'm happy to say I'm not in that place in my life anymore, and I hope the takeaway from this fic isn't all sad- his relationship with Tony might be strained but he does have people like Bruce who care about him, so he just has to find his people. 
> 
> I promise tomorrow's story will be a lot more lighthearted! 
> 
> Always feel free to say hi on my [tumblr](https://sunflowerspideyy.tumblr.com/) if you want to!


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